The 34x Effect: Why the Internet Is Lying to You About Presence, Style, and Influence

Most of us are hiding behind our screens hoping the algorithm will do the heavy lifting for us. I don't know if it's working for you or not, but at some point, hiding behind a profile starts costing you - in your business, in your confidence, and in how you actually show up in real life.

I received an email from a brand, written by the owner, a couple weeks ago and she was saying how every summer, without fail, her numbers take a dive. Whether it's from traveling, kids out of school, whatever, but it's the same every year (if you own a business you can definitely co-sign... and if not, HOW?!). Anyway, this year, instead of panicking, she just got out from behind her desk and started showing up in person. Pop-ups, events talking face-to-face, seeing how people actually reacted to her products in real time.

…and it makes sense.

The Power of Physical Presence Over Digital Strategy

A study from the American Psychological Association had people ask strangers to fill out a survey - half over email, half face-to-face. The face-to-face ask worked 34 times better. Not double, not a cute little bump, 34 TIMES.

The people doing the asking had no idea either, they thought the email would land just as well (I would've thought the same before I read the study). But it never does, and most of us are still betting everything online anyway - sending the email, posting the reel, hoping the algorithm does the work and convincing for us instead of just showing up in person.

And I understand, the internet has more reach than we could physically… or does it?

So much of our lives happen through a screen now instead of in an actual room. We live in such an online world that people can be whoever you want on the internet. Whoever they want.

But I know creators with six figure followings who can't hold a genuine conversation. No caption, no filter, no edit button standing between them and the person in front of them. And if this is you, I'm not saying that's a bad thing… I'm just asking, is that actually who you want to be?

Standing in front of real people without an edit button feels exposed. Embracing the awkwardness of being seen is uncomfortable, but that exposure is the only path to real influence.

And none of this is just a business thing or a career thing. It's a life thing too.

How You Show Up When Nobody Is Watching: Personal Brand Beyond the Screen

I was at an intimate dinner recently, amongst women I mostly just met, and we all ended up really vibing over conversation. One of the women mentioned she'd spent most of her adult life being a wife and a mother, which she loves and which is still working out beautifully for her family. But both her kids are in high school now, and over the last year she started exploring what her own life could look like with that extra time back from taking care of everyone else and instead doing what interested her. So she started looking up things to do, scheduling time with friends, and exploring the city.

Fast forward to a week or so before the dinner, she was chaperoning her daughter's school trip. She’d said, her daughter told her friends, "Yeah, my mom's gonna be there… you can look out for her, she'll be the well dressed one." And it struck her so hard. Two years ago, her daughter never would've described her that way. Nothing was wrong between them, she just hadn't been spending that time on herself yet. She was running out the house to run out the house, grabbing whatever leggings/shirt/sneaks…probably rushing… and would be on her way.

Enclothed Cognition and the Science of Personal Style

That shift, from just throwing something on to actually choosing how you show up, is why I talk a lot about adornment, and literally ALTAR-ing yourself.

I saw a quote a while back that said people don't dress for who they are, they dress for who they want to be. I get it, but I don't fully buy the split. Why can't who you want to be also already be who you are? That gap isn't as wide as everyone makes it sound. A lot of the time it's just showing up as her despite what your current situations or circumstances may be.

Because when your mindset, your confidence, and how you adorn yourself all line up, you don't have to force a thing. You just become magnetic. The right people, the right opportunities, the alliances you want, they just start finding their way to you because of how you're carrying yourself.

There's research backing that up too. Psychologists Hajo Adam and Adam Galinsky did a study where people put on a plain white coat, and their focus and performance on tasks actually improved, but only when they believed the coat belonged to a doctor instead of a painter. Same coat. Different story. They call it enclothed cognition.

So adorn yourself as who you want to be now. Your clothes, your posture, your energy, the events you choose to attend - none of that is a costume or a disguise. It’s not fake it till you make it, babe. Let them be a declaration of intent about who you’re choosing to embody.

And don’t be afraid to try her on for ‘fit’. It’s like trying on clothes. You don’t have to just accept whatever the stylist hands you. Try it on for fit. Do you like the way the material feels against your skin? Does it hug your curves while being forgiving to your pudge? Does it complement your skin tone and make your eyes pop? And if it doesn’t, take it off and try on something else.

…and you know I’m not talking about clothes, right?

The Freedom to Choose Yourself First

I’m talking about that shift, becoming a woman who knows how to build real relationships who's drawn to nice things not because she's chasing status but because she knows exactly what she's worth, who carries herself with a kind of quiet magnetism that makes people want to be near her without being able to say exactly why. She didn't need a rebrand or a five year plan. She just needed to start choosing herself in the small, unglamorous moments, the ones nobody's watching, the ones that don't make it to the feed. I've written more about what that actually looks like in practice, the adorning of it here, and the magnetism of it here.

How you show up isn't just what you wear, it's what you're telling people, and eventually it's what you're telling yourself, about who you've decided to become. That's true whether it's your business bleeding out every summer or your own daughter finally noticing you again after years of not. Stop waiting until you feel ready and just show up as her now, dressed like it, in the room, in front of real people. That's not performance, babe. That's just you.