The Art of Going Out Alone (and Actually Liking Who Shows Up)

For a long time, I thought I was an introvert. I remember a friend talking to my mom years ago about me - she was like, “I tell people all the time, she’s not quiet… she just doesn’t like you.”

Yes, that about sums me up.

The Ambivert Thing

So, quick context: I'm an ambivert. A mix of introvert and extrovert. I can show up in any room, but left to my own devices, I'm in the house, babe. So what changed between my friends convo with my mother and now? It’s is how I go out on the occasions I do.

That matters because this isn't about someone who was always the girl who goes everywhere solo and thrives on it. I had to build that. It came from necessity first, and only became a preference after.

Salvador de Bahia & The First Solo Trip

My first solo trip was to Brazil (yes, I’m also the do-it-all-the-way-or-not-at-all girl). I’d usually travel with my (ex) best friend or my brother, but they both already had trips planned and I didn't. And I was ready to go! So I did the obvious thing: booked a trip by myself.

No big dramatic decision, no manifesting speech to myself in the mirror. Just, okay, cool, I’m going.

Researcher Chaim Noy studied solo travelers and backpackers and found that people who travel alone consistently come back with a stronger belief in their own capability, simply from handling things without anyone to rely on. Every small decision you make on your own, where to eat, how to get somewhere, whether to stay or leave a room, becomes proof to your own brain that you can be trusted. Psychology Today has pointed to this same thing, the independence itself is what builds self-confidence, not the destination.

After Brazil, going alone just became my normal. Not because I turned into some fearless extrovert overnight, but because I found a way to make myself comfortable wherever I was… or not. If a room felt off, I'd leave. No explanation owed to anyone and no guilt about it. Eventually I stopped needing the exit as much and just learned how to settle in instead.

Why Going Out Alone Actually Builds Confidence

The thing about always having a friend on standby: you never have to just be yourself in a room. You have a buffer. Someone to talk to, laugh with, hide behind a little if the moment calls for it.

Like I’d go somewhere with a group of friends and if a couple of is didn’t want to talk to other people, we’d turn to each other and literally be like, “Abcdefg?” “Yes, hijklmnop”. It was our thing.

Take that away and you have to show up as you. No performing, no adjusting who you are just to appease the room, no forcing yourself into an awkward corner because someone else wants to stay longer. You get to leave as soon as you feel like leaving.

This isn't just a vibe I made up either. Marketing professors Rebecca Ratner and Rebecca Hamilton studied the fear of doing things alone and found that people regularly skip out on fun stuff, a show, a nice dinner, a museum, just because they don't have anyone to bring. And when they finally did the thing alone, they enjoyed it way more than they expected to. That gap between what we think going out alone will feel like and what it actually feels like is basically the whole block.

The researcher behind the Solitude Lab makes the point that loneliness and solitude are not the same thing. Loneliness is unmet social need. Solitude is a state you actually choose. Going out by yourself isn't about being unable to get people together, it's about deciding you don't need to wait on that to go live your life.

So, as the IG girlies say: That's the real work.

Not the going out part, the being okay with being yourself around strangers part. And once you know you can do that, once you've proven it to yourself a few times over, you stop needing ‘your people’ around just to have a good time. You start trusting yourself in rooms you've never been in before, with people you've never met before. And that’s the whole point, babe. That’s confidence.

Where to Start: Low-Stakes Solo Activities

If you're trying to figure out how to go out alone without feeling awkward, creative events are, hands down, the easiest entry point. You already have something to keep your attention, so there's no pressure to fill every silence, and everyone in the room is there for the same reason: to have a lighthearted and easy time.

Flower arranging is one of my favorites. A room full of people tapping into their creativity that just lowers the stakes of everything else.

But I’ve done golf meetups, culinary experiences, and more of the Pilates & _____ than I care to count.

Women's circles are another great solo activity if you want something with a little more depth to the connection. Less "activity to distract you," more actual conversation and community.

I used to just look on Eventbrite. But now there’s Posh VIP, Luma, or literally just searching hashtags and event pages on social media. The options are everywhere, and half the work of "getting out there" has already been done for you.

Start Small, Start Honest

So ask yourself: what kind of room makes you feel most like you? Not the room your friends would pick, not the room that looks good online. The one where you'd actually want to stay past the first twenty minutes.

Start there.

And don't skip getting dressed up before you go. Not for the room, not for anyone in it, for you. It’s a different type of confidence boost when you look in the mirror, hit the door solo, and just KNOW.