The Myth of "Speaking Up": When the Quietest Woman in the Room Holds the Most Power

"Well-behaved women seldom make history." If you’re not familiar with that Laurel Thatcher Ulrich’s quote, where have you been babe? It’s literally plastered everywhere, from across canvas totes to IG graphics.

Usually, it gets served with an unwritten instruction: Be louder. Be bolder. Break something.

Please. Volume isn't what actually moves a room.

People are magnetically drawn to those who appear to own space and time.

There is a distinct, quiet confidence in someone who doesn't rush to explain herself. She doesn't scramble to fill an awkward silence. She doesn't speed up her cadence to hold someone’s fleeting attention, and she certainly doesn't shrink when she steps into a room.

It’s the woman who moves like she belongs in any space.

In my Library I have a few select books that have shaped how I think about identity, power, presence, and what it really means to own your business and being.

Two Frameworks of Female Power: Lean In vs. Hush

Two of those consider two distinct approaches to female power and presence.

Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In, which focuses on speaking up, taking your seat at the table, and making yourself vocal before someone overlooks you.

And, Linda Clemons’ Hush: How to Radiate Power and Confidence Without Saying a Word which is quite literally a masterclass in nonverbal communication, body language, and commanding authority before uttering a single word.

One teaches you how to fight for the mic. The other teaches you how to make your physical presence announce your power before you ever open your mouth.

The Ambition Gap and the Myth of Monoliths

Both concepts address the same core challenge: the ambition gap.

In Lean In, Sandberg points out how easily women internalize societal expectations, writing: "We hold ourselves back in ways Big and Small, by lacking self-confidence, by not raising our hands, and by pulling back when we should be leaning in."

So, babes - the research backs this up: women routinely hesitate before stepping forward. Behavioral research from the Harvard Business Review confirms that women tend to hold back from applying for opportunities or pitching bold ideas unless they feel 100% qualified, whereas men apply when they meet just 60% of the criteria.

A HUNDRED PERCENT. Who actually feels 100% ready for a major leap? For anything?

The difference isn't capability; it's willingness. Willingness and trusting your ability to execute, lead, and figure it out in real time. You define your own readiness.

Now to be clear: Lean In isn't for every woman. It provides a widely discussed blueprint for navigating corporate structures, but we are not a monolith. Some of us want the executive suite and global strategy. Others want to build a family first and run a grounded, home-based business where work comes second.

The research backs this too, the Pew Research Center says that today’s women increasingly prioritize flexibility and autonomy over traditional corporate ladder-climbing.

Neither choice makes you less ambitious. It just means you need to be clear on what you want.

Whether sitting at a boardroom table or managing operations from the kitchen or with family by your side, the requirement remains the same: own your voice, own your ideas, and stop waiting for external permission.

Where I LOVE Linda Clemons' framework in Hush is that nonverbal authority works everywhere. She emphasizes that your body constantly communicates through posture, micro-expressions, and the slightest gestures. Those nonverbal cues carry just as much weight in high-stakes strategy sessions as they do standing in line at the grocery store.

3 Ways to Command Executive Presence Without Saying a Word

Here are a few takeaways fro both books to help you stop shrinking, start embodying presence, and begin shifting how you handle time, space, and speech:

• Reclaim the First Three Seconds of Silence: When asked a question in a pitch, a meeting, or a casual conversation, resist the urge to answer immediately. Take a three-second breath before responding.

  In Hush, Clemons notes that real power doesn't rush to prove itself. A deliberate pause signals that you process thoughts on your own timeline, forcing the room to wait on your cadence rather than rushing to soothe someone else's impatience.

• The Doorway Pause (Read, Smile, Then Move): Also from Hush, One of the most transformative techniques in nonverbal presence is how you physically cross a threshold.

  Before walking fully into a room, stop at the entrance for two seconds. Read the energy of the space, align your posture, offer a warm, calm smile, and then make your move. That brief beat establishes that you are entering intentionally, and the environment naturally settles around you.

• Own Your Ambition Without Defending It: In Lean In, Sandberg asks: "What would you do if you weren't afraid?"

  Part of that courage is refusing to justify your choices. Whether stepping up to build a firm or intentionally scaling back work to focus on family, own the decision completely. You don't owe anyone a dissertation or a defense for how you choose to allocate your energy and time.

Harmonizing the Goddess and the Go-Getter

Each of these frameworks holds deep value for both the Goddess and the Go-Getter™. True power lies in finding harmony between the two: knowing when to execute with strategic focus, and knowing when to rest in unshakeable, nonverbal presence.

Speak up when required, and always ALWAYS knowing when to leaning into quiet, nonverbal authority.

Where in your life are you being called to stop explaining yourself and simply occupy your space?

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